Hope and Healing for Victims of Sexual Assault: An Interview with Justin Holcomb | POD 011
In this episode we talk with Justin Holcomb and Liz Nelson who discuss the sensitive issue of sexual violence, emphasizing empathy, vulnerability, and the power of storytelling for healing.
Hope and Healing for Victims of Sexual Assault: An Interview with Justin Holcomb
Trauma from sexual assault and abuse can disrupt our ability to have healthy relationships with God, family, and the world. It often causes us to perceive danger where it doesn’t exist, can narrow our world, and limit daily peace. In this episode, Justin Holcomb discusses the sensitive issue of sexual violence, emphasizing empathy, vulnerability, and the power of storytelling for healing. Drawing from the biblical story in 2 Samuel 13, Holcomb explores themes of disgrace and hope, and the transformative role of the gospel. He addresses misconceptions and definitions of sexual assault and abuse, highlighting their prevalence in society, even within religious contexts. Practical advice is offered for engaging in empathetic conversations and creating safe spaces for survivors to share their experiences. Tune in to gain a deeper understanding of how to support survivors of sexual violence and how survivors can find help.
THREE KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Join us in this conversation about the importance of …
Empathy and Listening: When engaging with survivors of sexual assault, it is crucial to show empathy and be fully present. Listening without trying to fix or offer advice can help survivors feel understood and not alone.
Healing and Trust: Building trust is essential in the healing process, and it requires time, transparency, and authenticity. Small steps and patient engagement can help survivors build trust and feel safe within a community of faith.
The Gospel and Identity: The effects of sexual assault include distorted identity and shame. The work of Christ and the power of the Gospel are relevant in addressing these effects. By focusing on what the Creator and Redeemer says about their identity, survivors can counter distorted self-perceptions and find hope in the healing process.
Dr. Justin Holcomb has taught theology and apologetics at numerous seminaries since 2000 and has written or edited more than 20 books on abuse, theology, and biblical studies. Prior to serving in the Diocese of Central Florida, he was a professor at the University of Virginia, served as a priest at a parish in the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia, was an executive director of an interdenominational ministry, served as the Director of Graduate Ministries at the Center for Christian Study (Charlottesville, VA), and held various other ministry positions.
Holcomb earned his Ph.D. in theological studies from Emory University and has both a Master of Arts in theological studies and a Master of Arts in Christian thought from Reformed Theological Seminary as well as a B.A. in biblical studies from Southeastern University. He also studied at the University of Oxford during the summer of 1996.
In addition to these ecclesial and academic roles, Bishop Holcomb serves on the boards of GRACE (Godly Response to Abuse in Christian Environments), HeartSupport, Leaders Collective, and The Living Church Foundation. He, along with his wife, Lindsey, helped co-found REST in 2009.
Bishop Holcomb is married to Lindsey Holcomb, with whom he has co-authored seven books, and together they have two daughters, Sophia and Zoe.
Liz Nelson earned her MA in Counseling from MidAmerica Nazarene University. She is a Clinically Licensed Professional Counselor in the State of Kansas. Her areas of focus are adult counseling for individuals and couples. Elizabeth works from a psychodynamic theory and the attachment perspective that honors the client’s experiences of personal and relational struggles that interfere with well-being. Together with the client, Liz explores the symptoms and causes of distress. She works with a wide variety of needs and in diverse populations. Elizabeth also has over two decades of experience serving the non-profit community in Kansas City, and is deeply committed to coming alongside these leaders, caregivers, and volunteers.
QUOTES:
“Our definition of sexual assault is any type of sexual behavior or contact where consent is not freely given or obtained and is accomplished through force, intimidation, violence, coercion, manipulation, threat, deception or abuse of authority.”
— Justin Holcomb
“The survivor of the victim feels embarrassed and shameful because they feel like they somehow they were involved and that they chose that they used their agency to do this when they actually were being forced and threatened. And that’s how the manipulation works.”
— Justin Holcomb
“The listen to and believe language comes from all of the research. They’ve actually asked survivors of abuse what was the most helpful thing in your healing. And the number one, far and away, beyond all other possible things was being listened to and believed by other people.”
— Justin Holcomb
“For someone who feels like filthy, damaged goods, hearing over and over again the words that the Bible uses for those who are adopted and in Christ, pure, perfect, righteous, and holy, without spot, blemish or wrinkle, that’s way better than you can ever make up.” — Justin Holcomb
[00:05:04] “Tamar’s assault and the intersection of disgrace, shame, and hope.”
[00:11:58] “Collaboration, consent, and understanding the breadth of sexual assault.”
[00:21:04] “Churches need to support survivors and create safe spaces for disclosure.”
[00:29:13] “The Gospel’s role in healing and finding true identity after assault.”
[00:38:18] “The prevalence of sexual abuse and the importance of church intervention.”
[00:45:14] “If not this career, what would you choose to do?”
[00:50:26] “The impact of trauma on perception and relationships.”
[00:59:15]” Processing trauma and the instinctual bodily responses.”
[01:03:05] “Rebuilding trust in the aftermath of trauma.”
[01:10:00] “Our role in supporting and advocating for victims.”
[01:13:41] “Trust, vulnerability, and the importance of authentic sharing.”
[01:17:47] “Kurt Thompson’s insights on trust, vulnerability, and healing.”
[01:25:28] “Tips for showing empathy and self-care for healing.”
[01:29:29] “Mary’s encounter with Jesus and the complexity of trauma.”
[01:17:47] “Kurt Thompson on trust, empathy, and understanding.”
[01:25:28] “Showing empathy: embracing vulnerable stories, honest prayer, journaling, connecting with nature.”
[01:29:29] “Ending”
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Sex: It’s Worth Waiting For by Greg Speck Greg Speck has been doing youth ministry for more than 30 years and has a remarkable ability to connect with students on difficult topics in ways that are relevant and helpful. This is a great read for any teenager who has questions about sex.
Sex Has a Price Tag: Discussions About Sexuality, Spirituality and Self Respect by Pam Stenzel Pam Stenzel is not shy about the subject of teenage sexuality. She is very blunt, but also very clear. This book is addressed to both boys and girls. You will find personal testimonies, medical stats and practical solutions in this book.
Pure Eyes: A Man’s Guide to Sexual Integrity by Craig Gross and Steven Luff Craig Gross is the founder of XXXChurch, which is a ministry to people who struggle with pornography and sex addiction, as well as to people in the sex industry. This is a great book designed for men and the struggles they face to maintain sexual purity.
Pure Heart: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Integrity by Shellie Warren This is an official resource of XXXChurch and is the female counterpart to Pure Eyes. This book addresses real and honest issues that women face in regards to sexual temptation and maintaining sexual purity.
Sex, Dating and Relationships by Gerald Hiestand You will find some very clear, practical, and more importantly biblical wisdom in this book. This may be a great book for students and parents to read through together.
Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality by Wesley Hill The subject of homosexuality is increasingly a significant topic of conversation. With so many voices and opinions on the issue out there, Wesley Hill (a gay Christian) provides some helpful words on how the church can begin to think and talk about it in ways that are both faithful to scripture and helpful to those with questions and struggles.
Sex and Sexuality (Parents)
Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex Is Affecting Our Children by Joe McIlhaney Jr., and Freda McKissic Bush. This is one of the best book we have read, thus far, on the subject of sexuality and adolescence. It is a well-researched book that is very accessible for both teens and adults. We have found it very insightful and would strongly recommend you read this book.
So Sexy So Soon: The New Sexualized Childhood and What Parents Can do to Protect Their Kids by Diane E. Levin and Jean Kilbourne A fabulous commentary on the over-sexualized culture that our children are growing up in and how it is impacting their sexual development. While it is a great book on how to talk to your children about sex, there is a great deal on practical information for parents on how to guide and protect their children in a sex-saturated culture.
Real Sex: The Naked Truth about Chastity by Lauren Winner This is a phenomenal book for both parents and older teenagers. It approaches the subject of sex in a much more holistic sense, as well as in a communal sense.
Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain by William Struthers While this may not be all that helpful for teenagers, it is a great resource on understanding how pornography hijacks our brain and distorts the way we think about sex.
Teaching Your Child Healthy Sexuality: A Biblical Approach to Prepare Them for Life by Jim Burns This book is similar to The Purity Code, but addresses you, as the parent, giving valuable ideas on how to address some of the biggest sexual issues our teenagers are facing today.
Sex, Dating and Relationships by Gerald Hiestand You will find some very clear, practical, and more importantly biblical wisdom in this book. This may be a great book for students and parents to read through together.
Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality by Wesley Hill The subject of homosexuality is increasingly a significant topic of conversation. With so many voices and opinions on the issue out there, Wesley Hill (a gay Christian) provides some helpful words on how the church can begin to think and talk about it in ways that are both faithful to scripture and helpful to those with questions and struggles.
Sex and Sexuality (Online Resources)
purelifeministries.org Founded by a former sex addict and his wife, this ministry offers articles and resources for those who struggle with sexual sin and for spouses of those who struggle.
xxxchurch.com One of the leading resources in helping men and women fight the battle for their sexual purity, XXX Church offers resources, blogs, videos and confessional opportunities for men and women struggling with sexual sin. Also, they feature a section for those dealing with the repercussions of their spouse’s sin.
fightthenewdrug.org Fight the New Drug’s message is based on science and facts. In a sense, science is an international currency. They explain why porn is harmful by educating people about the negative psychological and physical reactions it causes.
Student Development (Students)
Can I Ask That? Volume 1 (Student Guide) by Jim Candy, Brad M. Griffin, and Kara Powell
Can I Ask That? Volume 2 (Student Guide) by Jim Candy, Brad M. Griffin, and Kara Powell
New City Catechism by Tim Keller
Just Do Something: A Liberating Approach to Finding God’s Will by Kevin DeYoung
Called: The Crisis and Promise of Following Jesus Today by Mark Labberton
Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Before You Go: Following Jesus and Growing in Your Faith After High School by Gerald Fadayomi
Student Development (Parents)
Growing With: Every Parent’s Guide to Helping Teenagers and Young Adults Thrive in Their Faith, Family, and Future by Kara Powell and Steven Argue
The Teenage Brain: A Neuroscientist’s Survival Guide to Raising Adolescents and Young Adults by Frances E. Jensen
Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain by Daniel J. Siegel
Understanding Your Young Teen: Practical Wisdom for Parents by Mark Oestreicher
Parenting Beyond Your Capacity: Connect Your Family to a Wider Community by Reggie Joiner and Carey Nieuhof
Websites
Center for Parent and Youth Understanding
Digital Kids Initiative
Fuller Youth Institute
HomeWord
Books
Sticky Faith by Chap Clark and Kara Powell
Sticky Faith Guide for Your Family by Kara Powell
Like Dew Your Youth by Eugene Peterson
Give Them Grace by Elyse Fitzpatrick
Age of Opportunity by Paul Tripp
The Space Between by Walt Mueller
How to Talk to Your Child about Communion
At Christ Community, we believe communion is one of two sacraments of the church, with baptism being the other. A sacrament is a directive, something you do because someone told you to do it or a command. Communion is a sacrament because Jesus commanded the church to practice it. Communion is a ceremony the church observes and practices as a sign of the grace God has shown to each of us. Communion is a way for those who have experienced the saving grace of Jesus to remember and celebrate what Jesus did when He died on the cross, and God raised Him from the dead.
When do I talk to my child about Communion?
Children are naturally curious and commonly ask questions about communion. If your family is involved at church, they may start asking these questions at a really young age. If the question is asked, it is the time to talk about communion.
Questions Kids Might Ask & How You Might Respond
WHAT is Communion?
Communion is for people who have made the choice to live their lives for Jesus and follow Him. They will eat small pieces of bread to remember Jesus’ body, which was broken because of His love for us. They will also drink juice to remember Jesus bled because of His love for us. Communion has other names. Sometimes communion is called the Lord’s Supper and communion can also be called the Eucharist, which means giving thanks.
WHY do we take Communion?
Communion is our way of remembering the last supper Jesus had with the disciples before He was arrested. That is why it is sometimes called the Lord’s Supper. The story about this meal with Jesus and the disciples is found in Matthew 26:17-30, Mark 14:12-26, Luke 22:7-23, and 1 Corinthians 11:23-26.Jesus said some very important words to His disciples during this meal. He said “Do this in remembrance of Me.” (Luke 22:19, 1 Corinthians 11:24-25). We include communion in our worship service as a special way to remember who Jesus is and what He did for each of us.1 Corinthians 11:26 says, “For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.” When we take communion, we are reminded of Jesus’ death and we’re able to thank Jesus for sacrificing His life for ours on the cross.
WHO should take Communion?
People who are part of God’s family, and have asked Jesus to forgive their sins, are invited to participate in communion. Participating in the holy sacrament of communion reflects living lives of worship and obedience to God.How do you become a part of God’s family? You pray and surrender your entire life to Jesus and ask God to forgive you of your sins. The Holy Spirit gives you strength and wisdom to obey.
NEXT STEPS:
Each Christ Community campus has resources available to help guide your conversation with your children about Communion. If you feel your child is ready for more, please contact your Children’s or Student Pastor.
SEXUALITY
God Made All of Me!Justin and Lindsey Holcomb God Made Boys and Girls: Helping Children Understand the Gift of GenderMarty Machowski God Made Your BodyJim Burns How God Makes BabiesJim Burns Teaching Your Children Healthy Sexuality: A Biblical Approach to Prepare Them for LifeJim Burns
GRIEF / DEATH
Goodbye to Goodbyes Tales That Tell the TruthLauren Chandler and Catalina Echeverri Someone I Love Died Christine Harder Tangvald
IDENTITY
When God Made YouMatthew Paul Turner When God Made YouJane G. Meyer The Gospel In Color – For Kids: A Theology of Racial Reconciliation for KidsCurtis A. Woods, Jarvis J. Williams, Pip Craighead, Rommel Ruiz God Made Me AND You: Celebrating God’s Design for Ethnic DiversityShai Linne, Trish Mahoney God’s Very Good Idea: A True Story of God’s Delightfully Different FamilyTrillia Newbell, Catalina Echeverri
ANXIETY / FEAR
It Will be Okay: Trusting God Through Fear and ChangeLysa TerKeurst Hey WarriorKaren Young Zoe’s Hiding PlaceDavid Powlison
ADVENT / CHRISTMAS
Unto Us Family Worship Guide Doorposts Music Advent Storybook Laura Richie The Christmas Story Autumn Ward Preschool The Advent Storybook: 25 Bible Stories Showing Why Jesus Came Laura Richie and Ian Dale The Christmas Promise Alison Mitchell, Catalina Echeverri Song of the Stars: A Christmas Story Sally Lloyd Jones
EASTER
The Garden, The Curtain, The Cross Carl Laferton The Easter Story Patricia A Pingry Preschool The Story of the Easter Robin Dandi Daley MacKall Preschool The Easter Story Autumn Ward Preschool Holy Week: An Emotions Primer Danielle Hitchen and Jessica Blanchard Preschool Benjamin’s Box: The Story of the Resurrection Eggs The Story of the Resurrection Eggs Melody Carlson and Jack Stockman Easter Love Letters from God
BIBLE GOSPEL STORY
3-1 A Picture of GodJoanne Marxhausen Action Bible Sergio Cariello The Biggest StoryKevin DeYoung The Read-Aloud Book of Bible StoriesAmy Steedman The Story of God’s Love for YouSally Lloyd-Jones
DEVOTIONAL BOOKS
Thoughts that Make Your Heart SingSally Lloyd- Jones The Radical Book for KidsGeorge Thornton Bible InfographicsHarvest Kids Notes from Jesus Mikal Keefer I Am: Names of GodDiane Stortz The Case for Christ for Kids Book SeriesLee Strobel Indescribable: 100 Devotions for Kids About God and ScienceLouie Giglio Exploring Grace Together: 40 Devotionals for the FamilyJessica Thompson and Elyse M. Fitzpatrick
GENERAL
Lord’s Prayer CardsShe Reads Truth Praying in ColorSybil MacBeth The OlogyMarty Machowski I Will Thank You!Kids Read Truth, guided journal, scripture, and art
BIBLE GOSPEL STORY
The Big God Story – Michelle Anthony Images of God Marie – Hélène Delval Everything A Child Should Know About God – Kenneth N. Taylor Jesus Storybook – Sally Lloyd- Jones WOW! The Good News in Four Words – Dandi Daley Mackall God’s Very Good Idea – Trillia Newbell I Am: The Names of God for Little Ones – Diane Stortz The Storm That Stopped – Alison Mitchell Goodbye to Goodbyes – Lauren Chandler The Friend Who Forgives – Dan DeWitt When I Pray for You Matthew – Paul Turner The One O’Clock Miracle – Alison Mitchell The Read-Aloud Bible Stories – Ella K. Lindvall Loved: The Lord’s Prayer – Sally Lloyd Jones The Beginner’s Gospel Story Bible – Jared Kennedy, Trish Mahoney
GENERAL
The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind– Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
General Parenting
The Look and Tell Bible– Thomas Nelson God Bless You & Goodnight– Hannah Hall Who Sang the First Song?– Ellie Holcomb You Are– Emil Assell Tonight– Emily Assell The Read-Aloud Bible Stories – Ella K. Lindvall Loved: The Lord’s Prayer – Sally Lloyd Jones The Biggest Story ABC– Kevin DeYoung and Don Clark
General Parenting
Spiritual Parenting– Michelle Anthony Don’t Miss It – Reggie Joiner and Kristen Ivy Mom Set Free – Jeannie Cunnion Bible Praying for Parents – Keith Ferrin Kids Can! – Leah Archibald Faith begins at Home – Mark Holmen Grace Based Parenting – Dr. Tim Kimmel Pass It On – Jim Burns and Jeremy Lee Faithful Families – Creating Sacred Moments at Home – Traci Smith Becoming a Spiritually Healthy Family – Michelle Anthony Faith Conversations for Families – Jim Burns The Sticky Faith Guide For Your Family – Dr. Kara Powell Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family– Paul David Tripp Handfree Mama: A Guide to Putting Down the Phone, Burning the To-Do List, and Letting Go of Perfection to Grasp What Really Matters! – Rachel Stafford Raising Grateful Kids in an Ungrateful World – Kristen Welch
