After he said this, he knelt down and prayed with all of them. There were many tears shed by everyone. They embraced Paul and kissed him, grieving most of all over his statement that they would never see his face again. And they accompanied him to the ship. After we tore ourselves away from them, we set sail straight for Cos, the next day to Rhodes, and from there Patara.
Acts 20:26 – 21:1
The apostle Paul was in a hurry, on his way to Jerusalem for the feast of Pentecost. But even in haste, he wouldn’t skip saying goodbye to the elders at Ephesus because he knew he would not see them again; his life was in danger. So he stopped at the harbor city of Miletus and sent for the Ephesian elders to exhort them one last time and say farewell. Paul was feeling the burden of finishing well, the need to take care of anything that remained unfinished, the desire to set his co-laborers up for success, and the responsibility of caring for his relationships. So, when the elders arrived at Miletus, he warned them to be alert, watching out for those who would distort the truth to gather followers, thereby destroying the church. Then he commended them to God and said goodbye, a very tearful goodbye.
I imagine these siblings in Christ standing at the seashore, hugging tight, wiping away tears of sorrow, and clinging to Paul as he tried to peel himself away from them in order to continue his mission. How heartbreaking! Transitions and goodbyes are really difficult, but they have been a part of the life of God’s people from the very beginning. If I could, I would ask Abraham how he felt when God told him to say goodbye to his homeland and everything he knew in order to accomplish God’s mission. I would ask Ruth how she felt leaving her homeland in order to care for Naomi. I wonder how Jesus felt preparing his disciples for his departure. And what about the bewilderment in their faces when they watched Jesus ascend to heaven?
Transitions and goodbyes are necessary for the mission of God to go forth, and at every stop along the journey we should strive to finish well.
Over the years, I have said many goodbyes of my own in order to transition into new training spaces for my scientific and theological education. I wish I could say it gets easier each time. But the truth is that I hate goodbyes and it is wearying to my soul. This visceral emotional pain coexists with the excitement of starting something new, which is often confusing and feels like unstable footing. Through it all, I’ve been encouraged by God’s provision of finances, community, and copious amounts of grace to finish well in one post and start strong in the other. That’s right! Whether we are transitioning into a new job, church community, city, school, or stage of life, finishing well at our current post is just as important as starting well in the next. Years of saying goodbyes, moving cities, and transitioning into new training spaces has afforded me knowledge about the art of finishing well. So, how do we do this?
Take inventory of your roles, belongings, and relationships far in advance of your last day.
Finishing well starts months, not days or even weeks, before your last day. Before I go any further, let me acknowledge an assumption I am making, namely that we know we are finishing one thing and transitioning into another. There are many instances when this is not true. For instance, you may be unexpectedly laid off or find yourself in an unsafe, toxic work environment, which you need to leave in haste. That is not the scenario I have in mind. Here I am exploring what it looks like to finish well when you know there is an end in sight far in advance.
In such circumstances, approximately six months before you leave (a year or earlier if you lead an institution or have irreplaceable expertise and institutional knowledge), take inventory of your relationships, professional skills and expertise, belongings (furniture and other household items if moving is involved), volunteer roles at the church and the community, your emotions, the cost of moving, and what kind of support you will need throughout the process (this may look like a couple of close friends). If you are making a significant geographical move, advise your family to do the same. You are not the only one finishing and transitioning into something new! Taking inventory will simplify your emotional readiness, professional transition, and managing logistical details, in addition to informing the way you pray.
Pray for God’s guidance, wisdom, endurance, and courage.
Prayer is never optional and in times of finishing and transitioning, that statement deserves an exclamation point or two. Every item you outlined in your inventory deserves prayerful attention. Job searching is often discouraging, leaving behind friends and places is emotionally hard, mastering new skills takes time… enough said! You need prayer. Communicate your prayer needs to a close circle of friends committed to pray for you. Take this step as seriously as every other step of the process.
Evaluate your emotional readiness.
Transitioning consumes a tremendous amount of emotional energy and you need to be aware of your emotions, especially the grief associated with leaving behind people and places you love. Allow yourself time to grieve, and experience the sadness and sorrow of finishing. Although painful, allowing yourself to grieve will help you identify the people you want to connect with before you move on to tell them how much they mean to you and any professional or relational wounds that need healing. You will likely not be able to mend everything that needs healing before your departure, but being aware of their presence will alert you to potential trigger points in the future and encourage you to not neglect these parts of your emotional life.
Simultaneously, give yourself permission to be excited about plunging into something new. Excitement and sorrow are not mutually exclusive!
Plan and gradually manage logistical details.
Taking inventory early in the transition process (see step 1) will ensure that you have time to plan for moving, transition professional and volunteer roles, and prepare your loved ones for your departure. Look at your inventory and create a timeline of when you will accomplish the items you listed. In other words, the inventory will outline what you need to do; the timeline will tell you when you need to do it. Putting a date on each item will help avoid doing everything at the last minute while simultaneously trying to connect with people to say goodbye. This helps avert unnecessary physical and emotional stress.
Prepare your loved ones for your departure.
Have a conversation with your family and friends about how to mutually care for one another from a distance. How often will you call one another? What rhythms of prayer and connection will you adopt in order to stay in touch and love each other well? Will you exchange presents for birthdays and holidays? If you are a parent, this is an excellent opportunity to teach your children how to nurture their friendships.
Set your colleagues and successors up for success.
Taking inventory of your professional skills and areas of expertise (see step 1) should have highlighted whether or not someone needs to be hired and trained before you leave, the documentation you need to clarify and organize, and the standard operating procedures that come naturally to you but are foreign to everyone else. Make these items known to your superior with plenty of time to find someone and train/mentor them so that your team does not suffer.
For example, when I worked in the lab, I made sure to explain my system of recordkeeping and that all my lab notebooks had a clear table of contents. I hoped that the person who would read my notes in order to replicate my work would be able to do so without trouble. I hope I set him or her up for success! I also communicated the date of my last day with plenty of advance notice in case anyone needed to learn any of the laboratory skills, equipment, and protocols that I stewarded.
If you are in a managerial position, make sure your team has time to ask questions and officially transfer all your leadership responsibilities a month or two in advance so that you can answer any questions that surface. Similarly, work with church and other organizational leaders to equip and empower volunteers that can serve in the capacities you have been serving. We want to love our workplace, colleagues, and communities by setting them up for success in their work.
Pray for your soon-to-be-colleagues, friends, church community, and living space.
Ask the Lord to teach you to love the people you will soon meet and interact with on a regular basis. This will help you to emotionally and spiritually prepare for your new relationships, and the roles and responsibilities associated with them. Ask God to provide a church community that you can belong to and serve, and for spaces of deep connection and intimacy where you can be known. If you are moving, do some research about your soon-to-be city or town and pray for its government officials, and for God to bring righteousness and justice where there is corruption and injustice.
If you are a parent, this is an excellent opportunity to disciple your children and teach them how to pray and intercede. On the way to school, encourage them to say a prayer for their future teachers and classmates. Bedtime prayers are a good time to teach them how to pray for those who are unhoused in their soon-to-be-city or town. These prayer moments are also beautiful spaces for them to process their own grief and express both the sorrow and the excitement that come with relocating.
In addition to preparing you to arrive in a new place, regularly praying for the cities and communities you will be a part of keeps you from avoiding the fact that you are leaving and need to finish well. This may seem obvious, but emotional pain often causes us to avoid the brutal facts. Therefore, allow your prayers for what is next to remind you to pray for what is now.
As I write this blog, I am preparing to leave once more. I have been praying and preparing for about a year. All my teams have been transitioned, my documents are up to date, conversations with dear friends about how we can mutually care for each other will be happening soon, the stress of finding a new job has been palpable, the tears have been thick and warm, and the pain of prolonged goodbyes is unbearable. Yet, in the midst of it all, I am encouraged by many who are cheering me on to the finish line with their prayers, trusting God to convict people of sin, save the lost, deliver the oppressed, lift up the arms of the discouraged, and be near to the brokenhearted as I preach the word and shepherd his people in a different pasture.
